Thursday - Monday

Oops I've left it too long again and now I'm going to have to really think about what I've done. I've finished the Maths paper and emailed it off so I'm really pleased about that. I read it again this morning and found a couple of things I would add or change but it's one of those things that I could keep adding to and changing so I have to let it go. I'm free now to think about school work for this week. It's Bank Holiday Monday today; I've hung some washing out and collected the pears that have fallen from the tree - that takes so long and so much effort. I'm just about to iron some shirts - I wonder how many I'll manage. Hubby wants me to take him to drop something off and do a little bit of food shopping - it's strange that he can't drive at the moment - I wonder how long it will be? He is so much better already but he's still bruised and a bit swollen so he's being sensible and taking things slowly.

I had to take my lovely car to the dealer on Friday; it was recalled because some have been found to have a loose steering wheel bolt. That was a lot of effort as I had to walk into town, did a bit of clothes shopping and get the bus home. As soon as I'd reached home the dealer rang to say my car was ready to pick up - typical. I got 2 buses back so that I didn't have to walk far and they'd cleaned my car inside and out too - lovely.

I took hubby food shopping on Saturday and we bought quite a lot - he was even slower than me walking round and I had to pack the shopping into bags - it all took ages but we did it. We asked my son to get the bags from the boot of the car; that was a bridge too far. The cricket has been on TV so we've watched that which takes up all day. It rained all day on Saturday, ad I mean rained - it didn't stop. Some towns nearby were flooded for the first time in years it was that bad.

I helped my son clean out next door's guinea pigs while they're away. They are sweet, but bigger than I thought they'd be. They squeak a lot and love their food. I've done my mindful stretching exercises every day in the morning, they really do help to get me going. The pain has been bad but I've been trying the mindful exercises so that I'm trying to just acknowledge the pain and not get annoyed, sad, upset by it. It still hurts as much but I feel more in control I suppose. It's difficult to unpick all the feelings.

Right, I really must try not to leave it so long to write although the days fly past and I don't realise it's been so many days. In a way perhaps that's a good sign that I'm not constantly consciously thinking about my pain and I do forget to write. Right, where's that iron?

Decision

I have decided that I can't write my blog every day and I shouldn't feel bad if I don't. After all, it's all about achievements, it's supposed to be a positive exercise. The thing is, I'm having real difficulty being non judgemental. I can see all the good reasons why being non judgemental is helpful and that I need to strive for it every day. I need to make a conscious effort all the time to avoid making judgments and also to see the difference between a fact and a judgment. I remember a few years ago now, a university lecture all about what goes without saying. So true. There are so many things that I take for granted and accept without even thinking about them because that's how it is, that's how it's always been, that's the only way it can be... So not true - so needs to be challenged.

So this is me, making a conscious effort to challenge all those things that go without saying and making constant judgements. If I can stop making judgments all the time then perhaps I can enjoy each moment for its simplicity. I'm here, sometimes I wonder why I'm here, I often wonder why I've got CRPS and at the moment this electricity shooting up and down my left arm and chest, but I am here and most of the time it's good and pleasant and I should enjoy every moment of it.